This morning I was woken up, by two of my three children who choose to come into my bed. Annoying? Yes. It’s 5:00 in the morning. And even as I write this, they are happily snoring where I should be.
I grab my coffee, turn on my computer, only to read this:
Yes, yes. We know how annoying kids are (you saw my intro). We can go back and forth with the “it’s not the kids, it’s the inconsiderate parents” or “I was in First Class once and there was a dad who thought everything his obnoxious 18-month old did was cute!”
I could share stories about the time I paid to travel first class for the leg room and got stuck next to a drunk business traveler, or the last time I took a flight from CA to NYC and didn’t sleep a wink because the two loud women in the seats behind me would not shut up the entire 6 hours we were on-board.
Maybe because I am a mother of three kids I can sympathize and relate to the emotions and mental state of a parent with an irritable child, anywhere…but that doesn’t help the growing argument on whether we should ban children and their parents from certain sections on planes.
So, I will just share instead what all this talk reminds me of.
It reminds me of a recent story I read on the failing fight of Saudi Arabian women trying to gain their rights to vote because their voice and opinions don’t matter (they are just women after all). Aw, but our country knows all about the “backwards thinking of those people” right? We have American experts and sociologists and human rights groups speaking about the segregation and discrimination of women in countries like these all the time. We have awarded documentaries and applauded the bravery of Saudi Arabian women who speak out against it. After all we have our own history of women’s suffrage to recount.
And it reminds me of the arguments made to justify the enactment of the Jim Crow laws and President Wilson’s introduction of segregation in Federal offices because he truly believed that racial segregation was in the best interest of black and white Americans.
It also reminds me of the fights I have seen grow and finally, in many ways, win in the LGBT communities. I remember the segregation of the community in media and in society when our country first started experiencing the destruction of the AIDS epidemic and with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and regarding adoption and marriage.
Oh. Wait. Not the same, you say?
We justify the argument of banning children from planes because they disrupt the comfort and experience which we pay, in many cases a lot of money, for. We justify this segregation and discrimination under the guise of entitlement to experiences and services we paid for. Matters little that parents pay for it too – they have children, and their children (and them) are not like those without and must be given less consideration, because children aren’t as considerate as the adults without them. Parents should also not have the right to speak out on these issues, because they often are the issue and thus should lack the power of opinion.
We claim that children, especially small children, have no place on planes. It’s irrational and selfish, inconsiderate and inhumane to have a small child travel like that. It makes us uncomfortable and it’s highly displeasing.
We argue that parents just don’t care, are rude, are ….well, you know.
And thus, if they must travel with their children (heavy, frustrated sigh), then they should go to the back. Like the blacks used to on the bus, like Saudi Arabian women should when walking with a male, like gays should in church.
Because, well, you didn’t pay for that. It’s not your fault that someone else chose to have a child, who is now keeping you from enjoying your Kindle time or First Class martini – Dammit!
We know, you like children. You have nothing against children. Some of your best friends have children.
It’s just that, they are a nuisance, and really, if we could just segregate them to a plane all their own, and maybe even set up a separate waiting station at the gate too, this way you have a place to put your laptop bag, instead of having to give your seat to a mom and her snotty kid. Oh. How about we apply this rule to restaurants too, parks, museums, grocery stores, and every where you go. Because really, who needs the trouble?
You just want to be able to go through life without having to tolerate the nuisance of women, no I mean, blacks, no, I mean, gays, no, I mean children! You pay good money, and deserve it. Until these people learn to control their children to behave as well as you, well, it’s what they should get.
But discriminatory segregation? No, yeah. You’re probably right. It doesn’t look, feel, or sound anything like that.
UPDATE:
There’s been a lot of chatter over this post since I published it, and of course it was inevitable that I would be told I was “overreacting”, and also that this is not at all like segregation or discrimination, so in addition to my little history reminder, I wanted to include a definition of these words, so that we understand:
seg·re·ga·tion/ˌsegriˈgāSHən/ – The action or state of setting someone or something apart from other people or things or being set apart.
dis·crim·i·na·tion/disˌkriməˈnāSHən/ – The unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, esp. on the grounds of race, age, or sex.
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Rebecca Kollaras
I read the headline this morning and felt the same way. We've all been there with a screaming kid on a plane. We get it. Having or being around children is not for everyone. We hear you when you rant on Facebook or op/eds. Guess what, when you fly, unless you're flying private, you get what you get. Restricting kids from an area of a plane. Ridiculous. OK, drunk biz traveler who snored all the way to London. You have to sit in the back too. Everyone who has overstuffed their carry-ons that they refuse to pay to check, sit in the middle. People who use the F word, you can't even get on the plane. It reeks of segregation. Pure and simple.
Michelle
Thanks Carol. I recently found out I'm pregnant and this topic of airline travel & kids is already on my mind as baby's grandparents, aunts and uncles live far away from NYC. Today I fly down to Orlando to see my family on what is typically a full flight with lots of families. My Kindle will be turned off so I can watch & hopefully learn a little from the 'pros'. 🙂
Kelly
Wonderfully said. As a mom it doesn't bother me at all when a baby is screaming on a plane, or their is a kid in first class (I only wish I had that option!). As a person it bothers me when people discriminate in any way, and I admit I hadn't given this issue thought the way you had.
Carol Cain
Kelly – That's the problem. We forget that pretty much every case of discrimination and segregation noted in our history, and really in much history around the world, came as a result of intolerance and was proposed and accepted as a logical, justifiable act. History demonstrates that at the time no one, except for those mostly affected negatively, really see it as such, but in time, if we are lucky, we have come to our senses. We can spin this argument around any which way, it still is and very much so, segregation and discrimination.
Katja of Skimbaco
Bravo!! Well said my friend!!
Carol Cain
Katja of SkimbacoThank you ladies!
TechyDad
I'll admit that, before I became a father, I had a few times when I saw misbehaving kids (mostly in a store) and thought "sheesh, why can't those parents just control those kids?!!" Of course, now that I am a parent, I see the truth. Parents can only do so much to get their kids to behave, but kids are individual people with individual wills. Even the most well behaved child will have their moments when they are completely horrible in a public place. My kids have had multiple instances of this and I'm sure some non-parent was wondering why I couldn't control my kids. Curse you, Karma!!!
Carol Cain
TechyDadLOL! Yes, TechyDad…Karma def comes back in our kids!
Anna ~ Random Handpr
all good points, will be interested to see what happens with this issue.
Niri
As someone who just spent a 6 hour flight to LA with a kid crying I can tell you this – Way more annoying was the 2 jerks I sat next to (young guys who spoke about how girls should only be playing with tea-sets on the flight)
Can I get a petition to ban idiots fromt he flight too?
Carol Cain
NiriNiri — If only we could just rid our lives of people and things that are bothersome to us, huh?
Bicultural Mama
Thank you for standing up and giving a voice to the children who don't have one to protest this. Yes, if 1st class wants to ban children (regardless if they're crying or not), then they must ban anyone who is loud or annoying – the drunk guy, the teen with too loud music, the women who reeks of smoke, etc.
Carol Cain
Bicultural MamaThanks for reading BiculturalMama!
Jessica @peekababy
Let's not forget that we should all overdose children with antihistamines to keep them from causing a ruckus. Drugging these little second class citizens is really the only way 😉
Carol Cain
Jessica @peekababyYes Jessica…let's go back to drugging our babies so that entitled, insensitive adults can get their naps.
Spencer Spellman
When I was in high school, during my first week of golf practice I knocked a golf ball onto someone's property (not meaning to of course) and it hit their car. They threatened to make me pay for it. I responded by telling them that when they bought their house on a golf course and have part of their property that is in the playing field, that they get everything that comes with it, including golf balls getting hit onto their property. It reminds me of this situation. When you buy a ticket, whether plane, train, bus, or what not, you're getting what comes with it. I don't understand why people's panties get in such a wad when traveling. I've been on an 18-hour flight, I've had a kid kicking the back of my seat, I've slept in a hotel room next door to another room with a crying baby. If it's that big of a problem, then don't travel, don't fly, or buy a private jet. Sure, I don't have kids so I can't relate right? Blah, blah, blah. I do have 5 nephews and nieces who I've flown with and stayed in hotels with. If it isn't kids, then it's someone that will get under your skin. The two guys talking about their sexcapades, the tall guy, the excessive drinker, the person with the smaller bladder that has to go to the bathroom more frequently, the close talker, the teenager with loud music. Where do we draw the line? When I launch my own affordable private jet company, I'll let you guys know :).
Carol Cain
Thanks for your comment Spencer. I am literally floored at the comments especially some of those without children, have made on this issue. How did our society become so entitled and self-centered and rude?
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[…] NY City Mama Children, Airplanes and Our History of Segregation and Discrimination […]
Down or Just Me
Great post! Coming from someone with no children (and no intention of having any), I think separating children from seating sections on airplanes is a nonsensical idea. I agree, at times I am irritated by a screaming child on a plane, but I remind myself that there often many adults who are just as irritating in different ways. It's a common shared space and people just need to develop some patience. Children need to learn somehow to assimilate into the world and how else will they do so?
Barbara
I don't think excluding children from business class or first class is inappropriate when the flight is long enough that people will need to sleep. Most people who fly in those classes do so because they need to rest up for a business trip. Children can't keep quiet and still for long periods of time; they're just not made to. Excluding them from business or first class isn't arbitrary discrimination; it's a preventive measure. It is highly inappropriate for airlines not to make some provision for parents traveling with children, as they would for handicapped passengers or others with special needs. I think there ought to be certain seats reserved for families that are near enough to the bathroom, give the parents a way to keep their kids from watching the movie on the big screen (many are not appropriate for children), and offer the easiest possible access to storage space. Parents and children should be allowed to go to the front of the line for the bathroom. (I always let them go ahead of me anyway, but it needs to be a rule.) If there are any empty seats, they should be in rows where families or pregnant women are traveling. Staff should be aware of parents who might need extra help, like mothers traveling alone with babies. Pregnant and nursing mothers should be offered extra food and water, and pregnant women should be seated so they can get up and walk around easily (to prevent DVT). Other rules should be in place for everyone's comfort: 2-drink limit on alcohol, forbidding profanity, and allowing (even encouraging) people to change seats if they are uncomfortable with the person next to them because of inappropriate language/conversation, heavy perfume, etc. Basic rules ought to be in place so that anyone who behaves antisocially will face a penalty. Children's normal behavior is not antisocial, but since it is likely to be distracting to some passengers, arrangements need to be made. Airlines should try as hard as possible to meet everyone's needs by seat assignments, basic rules of conduct, and requirements that flight attendants provide extra help if needed. If there's a "one size fits all" attitude, then a lot of travelers will be dissatisfied.
Carol Cain
BarbaraI agree Barbara that all of this would be nice and quite comfortable and lovely for all. However, seeing as seats only get smaller, services more limited, and flights more expensive we have nothing more to rely on other than the courtesy, compassion, and tolerance of others. Till airlines figure it out it is up to us, the average traveler to develop ways and maybe even re-learn the basics of what we learned in Kindergarten as far as being nice, use kind words, help and share with others. If the mom needs the extra space in first class so she can care for her baby and provide them with the best experience she can during the flight, we have- for now- no other choice than to be better people about. And seeing as the world doesn't always adjust to meet the comfort demands and needs we desire, dealing with a child in first class might be a good step to dealing with other discomforts life throws at us in a way that is admirable.
Also, I think when it comes to long flights and the need for rest and comfort on planes, that need and luxury should not be reserved for a limited few. So maybe a complete overhaul of how we travel should be considered. Until then, we should just be kind to one another.