I am on my way to Los Angeles.
My baby brother is getting married. It is going to take me close to 12 hours to get to him, courtesy of the latest storm to hit the North East, Athena.
In order to get to LA, I am having to travel from Newark to Charlotte, NC to Phoenix before landing in LA. It dawned on me, as we landed in North Carolina, that I was landing in a “red state” – something that I am only keenly aware of because of the recent presidential election – the results of which have left some people feeling raw. I digested this reality for a moment and looked forward to the almost 3 hour layover here.
It’s incredible to casually people watch, something I love to do when I travel, because on the surface, we all look the same, and in airports especially, we all have similar goals – to get somewhere. Nothing much separates us from one another here.
I opened up my laptop and started to enjoy the free Wifi offered at the Charlotte Davidson International Airport. Two men sat next to me. Southern accent – which I often find endearing – enthusiastically talking about car racing. Conversation started about the most recent race one of them competed in, an upcoming 3-week visit to Florida for another race, their team, their sponsors…I soon got lost in work and Twitter.
Then it happened:
“….my daughter was livid! She saw the results come in and she just started hooting and hollering about those freeloaders winning the election!” said one of the men.
“Well, and you know that’s what it is. Damn moochers just wanting something. I mean, c’mon! 71% of the votes? It’s just…”
“Yup, they just want stuff. All those HISS-PAH-NICKS are happy cause they gonna git free stuff and money now!”
I heard it and reacted only on Twitter without looking up at them.
But because they were in the seats right next to mine, I had a perfect peripheral view and could see the one right next to me looking at me, before they started to whisper.
The funny thing about this moment is that it had been the 4th time since election night that I have heard that we (Latinos) “want free stuff”, though Bill O’Reilly didn’t actually go as far as saying Latinos – just “non-whites”.
The other thing is, that I have heard it before, a fact that has rendered me numb. There is no knee-jerk reaction in me. No need to give them a piece of my mind. No automatic instinct to defend or attack.
And, it’s not the first time I’ve encountered racism during my travels. One of my most memorable moments is a black man in Memphis yelling at me angrily as I walked down the street with my (white) husband and children, “You are a traitor! You’re sleeping with the enemy! You’re sleeping with the devil!”
There isn’t much I can say to someone whose ideologies are so deeply rooted and so intensely promoted, certainly not in a few minutes in a crowded airport, that would change their minds.
So, I said nothing. And honestly, I noticed, but wasn’t really all that angry by it at all. I have, after all, been brown my whole life. Sometimes, you just don’t care enough.
Until, I started packing my stuff to board the plane.
“Did you hear us?”, asked one of the men.
I smiled (yes, I smiled) and said, “Yes. I did.”
They looked at each other.
“We’re sorry.”
It didn’t mean much – though the embarrassment on their faces was encouraging.
“Do you like racing?” asked one of the men.
“No. I don’t care much for the sport.” I responded.
“What? Why?” asked the other,”What do you like? What do you do?”
“I’m a travel blogger.”
“A what now?”
“A travel blogger. What do you do?”
“We race for NASCAR.”
“Sounds like a good time” I responded, completely enjoying watching them try to show me how civil they are…how “not racist” they are. It’s a game I am very familiar with.
Finally, it came:
“Where are you from?”
I smiled, so used to the question now as one I have been asked millions of times.
“New York City.”
I waited.
“No. Where are you from?”
There it was.
“New York.” I smiled again.
“Oh, like born there?”
“Yup. Born. There.”
I packed my electronics and got up to board my flight. “Have a safe trip,” I said and walked away.
The thing is, I do want something.
I want what most people who live in this country want. When my immigrant family came here, they came because they wanted something too: a better life, better pay, more opportunities for them and their children and they worked hard to give us those things. Yes, some of them relied on government assistance sometimes to help ends meet, but I didn’t grow up in a home where people sat around waiting for a check, or “freeloaded” on the government. I grew up in a family that encouraged me to strive for better, that pushed me to go to college, that moved me around from one place to another so that I had access to the best public schools and environment. They did want stuff, and I want that stuff too.
I’m not sure being Latina has much to do with my wanting it, because I am sure that there are a lot of people in this country who share the similar hopes and dreams for their own families.
I looked back at the two men and noticed they were still looking at me. They waved and smiled. In an instant, I wasn’t “one of them” anymore. It’s sad to me however, that I was probably not enough to change the rhetoric or their minds.
Lisa @ Crazy Adventu
You handled yourself brilliantly. I applaud you and your self restraint. Me, not so much. I probably woulda knocked their heads together like coconuts.
Danielle Smith
My friend, I saw the first part of this when you posted it on Facebook. You know what? I 'want stuff' too when it comes to my family – I want many of the things your parents wanted for you and many of the things you want for your children. And I WASN'T born here. I'm the daughter of immigrants and so are my children – at least in part.
I am equal parts heartened and disheartened. So disappointed in the overall tone of their conversation, but do appreciate that, instead of hiding and whispering, they were bold enough to apologize. And then again, bothered by the questions about where you were born, as if NYC wasn't the full answer.
As I scrolled down to comment, I noted your bio, "Carol is her happiest when she is on an adventure…" You most certainly are… it appears you are also tasked with educating. Good for you for taking the time today and smiling while you did it. The world needs more of you.
Bill Koller
Bon Voyage o Buen Viaje to Girl Gone Travel. Please darken MY door.
Pam
great post, carol. it's sad that this is the way things are. i love how they assume to know what any 'non-whites' want. i went on state assistance for two years to get medical, because i was suffering from extreme vertigo. i will never apologize for it. if someone wants to know, i will tell them, but the problem is is that they THINK they know. i want to never be judged due to the color of my skin or because i'm not the 'right type' whatever that may mean. but that may never come during our lifetime, and that's just sad.
LadydeeLG (@dianalim
hi Carol! i love this post! love your attitude! stay classy!
Those Southerners better realize… we are from here, and we are here to stay, this is our home. Like you said, we just want a good life, education for our kids. Most of us are very hardworking and if we need help because times are tough, we look to get back on our feet quickly! I wonder if this man knows that Whites account for roughly 39% of welfare recipients, while Hispanics account for 16%? (acc. to dept. of Health and Social Services)
Mary@Everyday Baby S
You are a strong, brilliant woman. I'm glad you were able to at least put them in a position to realize that on some level they were wrong. I believe it must have made some impact.
Carol Cain
@Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting: Ah Lisa. I would be knocking people out often. Not to say I don't sometimes get angry, but other times – meh. Whatever.
Carol Cain
@Danielle Smith: Thank you Danielle. I love your comment! Because it's true, I don't know anyone who doesn't want what's best. Thank you for your sweet remarks.
Carol Cain
@Bill Koller: I have to visit you soon and stay in one of your villas! This year maybe? xo
Carol Cain
@Pam: It is sad Pam, but we can't let it make US sad, right? xo
Carol Cain
@LadydeeLG (@dianalimongi): No one should ever be ashamed to ask for help.
Carol Cain
@Mary@Everyday Baby Steps: I hope so Mary. Thank you.
Amy
Wow. Being someone who lives in a red state (Oklahoma) myself, this is embarrassing. You handled yourself with class.
Carol Cain
@Amy: Truthfully Amy, these guys could've been in either one of my blue state (NJ/NYC)and I doubt they would've been any different.
Patty
Grace and class always beats out ignorance. Well done my friend!
Lale Princey
You may not have changed their rhetoric but you did give them pause and caused them to at least acknowledge their prejudice. You also humanized their stereotypes and corrected them ("born.there."). Those are wins.
If it had been me sitting there (a white woman) I may have ended up in the situation of receiving a conspiratorial wink as if to say "Hey, you're white, you get this stuff and must hate those freeloaders too…" When in fact I couldn't disagree more with their rhetoric and would have been appalled that those bigots would think that we have the same hateful views due only to our racial similarities.
The good news is that this election proved that electoral power is no longer solely the realm of the white man and issues of values are more complex than 1 or 2 demographic factors–that's an America I can believe in & be proud of.
Carol Cain
@Lale Princey: Thanks so much for your comment Lale!
Girl Who Cried Skinn
Wow, you handled that well. I wouldn't have been nearly as polite. Good for you. I'm from an immigrant family, too, but my white dad came from Holland when he was 21. Those men, of course, would never have asked me the "where are you FROM" question. Which just makes me more sad. Cheers from another immigrant daughter for your class.