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August 14, 2010

Life’s Journey and The Marks You Leave Behind

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As travelers we often contemplate  and write about the marks a place and its people leave behind, whether it be in our hearts, our minds, our beings. But how often do we pay attention to the marks that we leave behind? Are they worthy of our mention?

My mother was an amazing woman. A single mother of two, when I lived with her and my younger brother, I never wanted for anything and it wasn’t till much older that I learned that she struggled financially to give us those things we needed.  I do remember that she worked hard. She often said that pursuing and attaining her college degree as a woman in her 40s, with a full-time job and two happy and healthy children was one of her greatest achievements.

As she grew older and we talked more as two female friends then just mother and daughter, she confided in me and shared her many dreams. One of them being able to travel the world when she retired. She had saved for it. Worked for it. Deserved it.

She had survived breast cancer, found love and retired. She had raised two children on her own who adored her and were successful and happy. Just as she planned the first of what she said would be many, many more trips she was diagnosed with cancer yet again. This time it deformed and debilitated her, and eventually killed her.

It has been three years since the death of my mother and I have never been the same. Her death changed me and affected me in ways nothing else in my life has.

The outpouring of love and the many tears cried from friends far and wide was overwhelming. People who she had known since her childhood, as a young immigrant to this country, as a professional in different jobs, as a daughter, sister, friend, mother loved her. They spoke of the good she did. How she helped and cared for others. How she had very little, but gave so much in friendship, encouragement, and affection. How she inspired other women, other mothers. She would’ve been proud. We were proud.

Even though I knew my mother to be the kindest of souls and strongest of women, it was the reaction to her death from so many, and how they remembered and celebrated her that really made me self-examine myself.

When I die, when I leave all the people that know me behind, how will I be remembered? Will it be in a way that will make my children proud? That will inspire them to be the best THEY can be? Will they learn to stand up for themselves? To speak out against injustice or cruelty? To never be pushed down and to help others up?

The list of unfulfilled dreams my mother left behind drives me each day to do what I love. The support of my husband and family gives me the freedom to do so. The strength and courage with which she faced adversity and struggles helps me to stay committed to doing the same for myself. But it is the mark I leave behind during this journey through life that guides me.

I am not always kind, nor am I always wise. I sometimes speak too much, and fail to listen. I have not mastered the art of forgiveness, and I often give in to anger. I am not always the best wife, nor am I always a good mother…and as a friend I strive to be better.

But the bottom line is I strive and try. I think and reflect. I consider other’s feelings and apologize often, from the heart and sincerely.  Life is too short. My mother’s life is an example of that. When I fail in my efforts, she is the person I think of and helps me back to my center. I want to enjoy this journey as much as possible. The hope is that when I encounter those who I pass, whether by chance or by choice, the mark I leave, if any, is one that would honor the kind, outspoken, strong, and confident woman who raised me in a way that would make us both proud.

In your life’s journey, what marks are you striving to leave behind? And does it make you proud?

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Carol Cain

Brooklyn native Carol is happiest when on an adventure, whether close to home or farther away. She is a small business owner and travel writer. In addition to creating Girl Gone Travel, she is the Founder and Principal of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. She's mom to three wonderful sons and wife to a handsome Irish/Scot. She lives, works, and plays in the beautiful Finger Lakes region of NY.

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4 Comments
  • Patty@NYC Girl at He
    August 17, 2010

    You're mom was a wonderful person. I mostly know you from the blogs but when you described her, I saw a lot of you in her description. I'm sure she is so proud of you. It meant a great deal to meet you at Blogher even if it was a short conversation in a hectic day for all of us, you were warm and sweet. You touched me. Hope I get to see you again soon xo 🙂

    Reply
    • Carol Cain
      Patty@NYC Girl at He
      August 20, 2010

      Thank you Patty. That is the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me. Those are big shoes to fill. I can only wish to be that wonderful. Thank you.

      Reply
  • Annette Davis
    August 20, 2010

    This is beautifully written. I'm saving this. My mother is an incredible woman. You've re-opened my eyes to that in my busy world of living. Thank you for sharing your heart. I now have my own daughter. Do you have kids?

    Reply
    • Carol Cain
      Annette Davis
      August 20, 2010

      Thank you Annette! Yes I do…3 to be exact : )

      Reply

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About me

Hi! I'm Carol! I am an award-winning travel blogger, a keynote speaker, and the Principal and owner of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. I a wife to a handsome Irish/Scot and a mom to 3 sons. Welcome to my blog where I share stories of my travels and professional public relations insights and advice. Thank you for reading and for your support!

Carol Cain

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Follow @girlgonetravel

A message about yesterday’s event: Happy Monday A message about yesterday’s event:

Happy Monday, y’all. Woke up in time to enjoy the soft glow of sunlight that shines its way around our house in the morning, and sipped on a cafecito without being rushed for anything. So already today is a win. 

Yesterday we worked our longest day yet for our little coffee cart that could (7 hours!!!) at the Heritage Fiesta in Ithaca, NY. 

Though we were ready for a crowd, the reception was also unexpected because there was a popular coffee shop just steps away. 

But we had Cómodo Fam stop by, family (who also fed us 🙏🏾), and soooo many members of the Latinx and BIPOC community who were just excited to see a small business like ours representing. 

I want to share that we were ALL worried about potential harassment and assault by 🧊and fliers were handed out to prepare us. And you would think that it would’ve intimidated the community enough to not come out…BUT WE DID. In numbers. 

And for hours that little parking lot next to Press Bay Alley was packed with all sorts of Latinx and non-Latinx community members, eating, laughing, dancing, singing, and drinking all the cafecitos and refreshers we had to offer. Literally. We went home cleaned out!

All this to say that we are all aware of the threats but we also understand the power and importance of coming together as a community and a people. By no means are we all the same, and Lord knows a lot of Latinos have a lot of self-reflecting to do based on the choices they made, but yesterday was a testament to the best of us, and I thank @yenospina and @lcatompkins for putting together such a wonderful event, for inviting @cafecomodony to be a part of it, and to all the friends, old and new, who came out to support us and la cultura. 

#fingerlakes #newyork #cafecomodo #coffeelover
Finally taking a break to enjoy one of my favorite Finally taking a break to enjoy one of my favorite lazy day pastimes of the season: market shopping for fall goodies - which in the Finger Lakes is especially bountiful. 

📍Joseph’s Wayside Markey, Naples, NY

#fingerlakes #newyork #octobermood #fallday
Our neighbors are harvesting the grapes. The proce Our neighbors are harvesting the grapes. The process is busy and noisy but also exciting and fun to watch. 

This cloudy morning seems to have calmed things down a bit, but not for long I am sure. These families work hard!

Bonus: they set up roadside stands so we can purchase and taste them 🍇 I highly recommend picking some up if you see some in your drive. 

#fingerlakes #lifeinthecountry #newyork
The rain has been so good. More, please. ❤️ The rain has been so good. More, please. ❤️
I want to take moment to send out love to my fello I want to take moment to send out love to my fellow Latinx and immigrant community. 

To send strength to my community of glorious misfits who are out in the world making good trouble and emboldening us to not give up hope on our dreams, our livelihoods, our future, our country, our people. 

The country our parents worked so hard to get to so that we could fly. A country they helped build and bring to prosper. A country our communities help to feed and house and care for. 

I am my immigrant parents dream come true, and my children are a continuation of that dream. 

I just want to remind all of us who represent the targeted, of our worth. Of the value of our contributions. In our languages, our culture, our insights, our work ethic and skills and knowledge. Of the things we bring to the table.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or to us. But, as someone whose family lived through a dictatorship, I have an idea of how this story will end. And all I can advise is that we remain on the right side of it, our convictions unaltered, our core values untethered. Our spirits unbroken. In these stories, the monsters might scare us, and even harm some of us, but they never, ever win in the end. 

I am living proof of that. ❤️ And every time you succeed and feel joy, you are too. Pa’lante, mi gente.
Signs of autumn 🍂 in the Finger Lakes. Signs of autumn 🍂 in the Finger Lakes.

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