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August 14, 2010

Life’s Journey and The Marks You Leave Behind

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As travelers we often contemplate  and write about the marks a place and its people leave behind, whether it be in our hearts, our minds, our beings. But how often do we pay attention to the marks that we leave behind? Are they worthy of our mention?

My mother was an amazing woman. A single mother of two, when I lived with her and my younger brother, I never wanted for anything and it wasn’t till much older that I learned that she struggled financially to give us those things we needed.  I do remember that she worked hard. She often said that pursuing and attaining her college degree as a woman in her 40s, with a full-time job and two happy and healthy children was one of her greatest achievements.

As she grew older and we talked more as two female friends then just mother and daughter, she confided in me and shared her many dreams. One of them being able to travel the world when she retired. She had saved for it. Worked for it. Deserved it.

She had survived breast cancer, found love and retired. She had raised two children on her own who adored her and were successful and happy. Just as she planned the first of what she said would be many, many more trips she was diagnosed with cancer yet again. This time it deformed and debilitated her, and eventually killed her.

It has been three years since the death of my mother and I have never been the same. Her death changed me and affected me in ways nothing else in my life has.

The outpouring of love and the many tears cried from friends far and wide was overwhelming. People who she had known since her childhood, as a young immigrant to this country, as a professional in different jobs, as a daughter, sister, friend, mother loved her. They spoke of the good she did. How she helped and cared for others. How she had very little, but gave so much in friendship, encouragement, and affection. How she inspired other women, other mothers. She would’ve been proud. We were proud.

Even though I knew my mother to be the kindest of souls and strongest of women, it was the reaction to her death from so many, and how they remembered and celebrated her that really made me self-examine myself.

When I die, when I leave all the people that know me behind, how will I be remembered? Will it be in a way that will make my children proud? That will inspire them to be the best THEY can be? Will they learn to stand up for themselves? To speak out against injustice or cruelty? To never be pushed down and to help others up?

The list of unfulfilled dreams my mother left behind drives me each day to do what I love. The support of my husband and family gives me the freedom to do so. The strength and courage with which she faced adversity and struggles helps me to stay committed to doing the same for myself. But it is the mark I leave behind during this journey through life that guides me.

I am not always kind, nor am I always wise. I sometimes speak too much, and fail to listen. I have not mastered the art of forgiveness, and I often give in to anger. I am not always the best wife, nor am I always a good mother…and as a friend I strive to be better.

But the bottom line is I strive and try. I think and reflect. I consider other’s feelings and apologize often, from the heart and sincerely.  Life is too short. My mother’s life is an example of that. When I fail in my efforts, she is the person I think of and helps me back to my center. I want to enjoy this journey as much as possible. The hope is that when I encounter those who I pass, whether by chance or by choice, the mark I leave, if any, is one that would honor the kind, outspoken, strong, and confident woman who raised me in a way that would make us both proud.

In your life’s journey, what marks are you striving to leave behind? And does it make you proud?

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Carol Cain

Brooklyn native Carol is happiest when on an adventure, whether close to home or farther away. She is a small business owner and travel writer. In addition to creating Girl Gone Travel, she is the Founder and Principal of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. She's mom to three wonderful sons and wife to a handsome Irish/Scot. She lives, works, and plays in the beautiful Finger Lakes region of NY.

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4 Comments
  • Patty@NYC Girl at He
    August 17, 2010

    You're mom was a wonderful person. I mostly know you from the blogs but when you described her, I saw a lot of you in her description. I'm sure she is so proud of you. It meant a great deal to meet you at Blogher even if it was a short conversation in a hectic day for all of us, you were warm and sweet. You touched me. Hope I get to see you again soon xo 🙂

    Reply
    • Carol Cain
      Patty@NYC Girl at He
      August 20, 2010

      Thank you Patty. That is the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me. Those are big shoes to fill. I can only wish to be that wonderful. Thank you.

      Reply
  • Annette Davis
    August 20, 2010

    This is beautifully written. I'm saving this. My mother is an incredible woman. You've re-opened my eyes to that in my busy world of living. Thank you for sharing your heart. I now have my own daughter. Do you have kids?

    Reply
    • Carol Cain
      Annette Davis
      August 20, 2010

      Thank you Annette! Yes I do…3 to be exact : )

      Reply

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About me

Hi! I'm Carol! I am an award-winning travel blogger, a keynote speaker, and the Principal and owner of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. I a wife to a handsome Irish/Scot and a mom to 3 sons and 2 puppies. Welcome to my blog where I share stories of my travels and professional public relations insights and advice. Thank you for reading and for your support!

Carol Cain

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I’ve been a mom for a really, really long time. I’ve been a mom for a really, really long time. As the oldest of all my many, many siblings, caring for littles started very early in my life. I have cared for, changed diapers for, fed, rocked to sleep, booboo-kissed, advised, reprimanded, worried for, been frustrated and given anxiety by more kids than I care to count. Because I started caring for children so young, I was convinced I wouldn’t have any of my own. But I had my three beautiful boys.

I miss the little babies they were, sometimes to the point where it aches, but I love seeing the men they are becoming. I am most grateful to them for the ways in which they continue to help me discover more about myself both as a mom and beyond motherhood. My identity was never fully in being a mom, I never wanted that for myself and they all have respected, accepted, and given me space for that. And I love them unconditionally for it. Because as they start to find their own paths in life, I am not left with an empty anything, instead I find myself with a life fulfilled. Of which being their mom has been the greatest adventure.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing mother figures, caregivers, and humans who have provided for another in loving, maternal ways regardless of biology and traditional roles and societal expectations. ♥️ May you find fulfillment, love, and joy in the ways you have tried to give to others who needed it most.
The Village of Monticello is located right off NYS The Village of Monticello is located right off NYS Route 17 (future I-86), mid-way between New York City and Binghamton. It is also the largest community of the Sullivan County Catskills. Like many rural downtowns across the U.S., Monticello has experienced some hardships. However, what I found especially lovely was how there is a vibrant BIPOC community, especially Latino, thriving with their small businesses and eateries keeping Downtown Monticello alive.

Imagine my delight to have seen several Dominican- Puerto Rican eateries serving and sounding like a slice of home. Last night’s treat was had at @nellys_latin_restaurant. 

Roasted pernil, grilled chicken, rice and peas, yuca, sweet plantains, ox tail, goat….the list goes on and on. Right here in Monticello, NY. I ate and washed it all down with a cool papaya shake, just like from the islands.

So, if driving through, be sure to check out downtown Monticello for some good Caribbean eats…and wait till I tell you about breakfast!!! Thanks @nickfingdavis for the find! 🇩🇴🇵🇷

#monticellony #catskills #goodeats @sullivancatskills
Nothing like the beautiful golden hour in @flxwine Nothing like the beautiful golden hour in @flxwinecountry.🌞

#myflx
These days you will find me walking in the rain, c These days you will find me walking in the rain, chasing waterfalls, and anything nature filled. Such is spring in the Finger Lakes 🌷

#fingerlakes #lifeinthefingerlakes #cascadillagorge #ithacany
I sometimes can’t believe how easily I fell in l I sometimes can’t believe how easily I fell in love with this life.

There was a time when my DREAM was to be one of those old NYC ladies living in a 4 story walk-up, and who people would often see pulling around her shopping cart from market to market. And while I long for a NYC that barely exists anymore, I do have to say I am still often surprised at how dramatically that dream has changed.

Now I dream of uninterrupted days spent tending to my garden and growing food and other pretty greenery I never knew I could. Or figuring out new recipes and sitting by the fire with my puppies on my lap.

I crave mornings made foggy by the adjacent lake, and early wake-ups by the sound of the passing horse and buggy on Sunday mornings.

Yeah. The world is big and there is so much I want to see still but I also love this place where it feels like nothing else matters, not even the mud on my hands and boots.

📸 Gardening bliss on a rainy day at @theflxcottage.
Yesterday, we headed to @tanglewood_nature_center Yesterday, we headed to @tanglewood_nature_center to scout a photography location. The focus was work. But as we took the 3 mile hike to the overlook, through the mud, in the rain…and the sun, because spring, and as the birds sung, the woodpeckers pecked, and the deer strutted, I felt myself feel lighter, happier, and at ease. With just a walk, in this beautiful place. Alongside my beautiful partner.

If you call the Finger Lakes home, I hope you can also appreciate it and the gifts it offers, even when we least expect it. And if you need a reminder, just go outside.

#tanglewoodnaturecenter #fingerlakes

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