As I sit here typing this, I am enveloped in the joy of having just dropped my little baby boy (5 years old) at school. He was looking pretty handsome in his dress shirt and excited for picture day. I thought it funny that he chose to stand next to his teacher at the school yard as opposed to running around with his friends because he didn’t want to get dirty before photos.
I drove away from the school absolutely loving being a mom and being his mommy.
But I am just his mommy, and the mommy to my other two boys. When they call me mommy I absolutely melt and love it.
However, that emotion quickly fades at the face of being called mommy by anyone else, and when it comes to my work as a travel blogger, albeit a family travel blogger, it’s even worse.
I have had endless upon endless discussions about the term “mommy blogger”. There are those who stand by the term, embracing it wholeheartedly. There are others who despise it with all their might, leading to their heads exploding at the mention.
And though many have presented some very eloquent reasons as to why the term “mommy blogger” should never be uttered, I wanted to state my opinion as to why I agree here as well.
Identifying the niche of a blogger is a difficult task for public relations, brand, and marketing professionals. It would be a daunting task to identify every blogger as they accurately define themselves: Food blogger? Fitness blogger? Pet blogger? Lifestyle blogger? Travel blogger? Coupon Blogger? Tech Blogger? Review Blogger?
And the task becomes even more daunting when the bloggers themselves don’t know how to define what it is they blog about.
“Ah, you know, a little bit of everything,” is not helpful at all to businesses who need to know where to place your blog, your audience, your content in their efforts to identify target audience and media for marketing and campaign outreach purposes.
In that sense, the responsibility of blogger identity falls upon the blogger herself. What DO you blog about? What IS your purpose? WHY ARE YOU HERE?
Maybe you are here to learn. Maybe you are here to connect. Maybe you are here for the free…uh…stuff.
And that’s fine. Blogging as a business is not everyone’s goal, nor does it have to be.
But if you are here to build a business and establish professional relationships with businesses and agencies, you must first develop your brand identity and “a little bit of everything” is not going to cut it, and sadly neither does being a “mommy blogger” because it says nothing about what your passion is other than that for your children.
Figure out what you are most passionate about (besides your kids), what you love enough that you can do it as a job (notice I said job), and stick to that. Even if it means rejecting free things and other opportunities that don’t apply to the focus you have chosen.
Then, identify your niche. Do this before you go to another conference or networking session. Take your time. Try it out. See if it fits your lifestyle, budget, plans, and most importantly, your voice.
Prepare yourself so that next time someone asks you “What do you blog about?” you are clear and confident in your response. And if in the end, you are a mom blogger, than be a mom blogger, no need to get all diminutive and cute by calling yourself a mommy to other people, especially to those whom you want to see you as a professional.
As for businesses, brands, agencies, and other non-blogger types, Mommy Bloggers is not ok and even if you find the two or three who say they don’t mind, the general consensus is that most female bloggers do.
This is because in identifying women who blog as mommy bloggers you run a great risk of offending a large number of women in the room, not to mention the few others who aren’t even mothers.
It is a professional risk really to throw the mommy blanket out on us all, because we don’t all identify as such, and professionally we feel it diminishes our efforts and work. It makes our success suddenly seem so frivolous and flaky.
And because I almost murdered someone over the fact that I take this stance, when I used to blog under NYCityMama, let me clarify – when you are addressing me in a professional environment it is best to address me by what I do professionally. If identifying me as a travel or food blogger is too difficult to remember or too much detail to take on in a larger blogging environment, I understand this and happily take blogger…mom who blogs is kind of cool too. But “mommy” with all its fluff and cutesiness just does not apply. In any setting, ever.
If for tracking, record, media filing, and in-house purposes, it is just easier to put us in one category, I understand that too.
But we all know that how we manage our records and in-house communications, is not always how we distribute or disseminate our external communication efforts. Removing the term mommy blogger from all communiqué would probably be best to help change the overall mindset, but I am taking into the consideration the challenge that this may be when managing so many media representatives, and so many bloggers. However, my advice? Make it a goal.
Now, I have heard numerous people whom I love and respect use the term mommy blogger, and I know in my heart of hearts that never, ever would they think that we are anything less than wonderful, capable, strong women.
My point is that there are many others who still use the term to degrade and discredit what we do. To separate us from a skill that is considered only to be serious by others who have degrees and titles, awards and experience. It feels bad to walk into a room of professional writers or executives and be identified as the “mommy”, when the reason I am there has probably more to do with the fact that I have more to offer than just chatter about my kids.
Of course being a mom and incorporating how that plays a role in what I do professionally has definitely helped open doors for me and has provided me with opportunities I never thought possible, but I like to think that even if I wasn’t a mommy to 3 gorgeous boys, I still would have applied the many other skills that have helped me to grow and succeed in this career – just as they did before I had babies. I also realize, and encourage others who see profit in being called mommy bloggers, that one day your kids will grow up. And then what will you do? What is your plan? Are you here for the sudden cash flow, or for the long haul, because if so, locking in on the “mommy” might not be a good strategy.
It would be wonderful if we lived in a world where women could walk calling themselves whatever they please without having to battle the stereotypes and limitations often set before us because of our reproductive statuses, and we are certainly making great strides. But I still believe that despite the never-ending pride and love we have for our children and families, as individual we relish in the sense of accomplishment knowing that we can be recognized, respected and appreciated for being so much more.
The thing about being called a mommy blogger is that it takes those feelings and reality away.
Holly
I adored you before but I adore you even more now.
The new buzz word is INFLUENCER. Let's get companies used to using that to describe our work. Because we are so much more than "mommy bloggers".
Wandering Educators
When we let others define us, nothing good ever comes of it. This term, mommy blogger, could be seen as a strike against feminism, to say the least. It's a verbal glass ceiling, which none of us have ever accepted. Excellent post.
Carol Cain
Wandering EducatorsThank you Jessie!
Carol Cain
@ Holly:
I agree. Thanks Holly.
Sondra
Thank you for this. What perfect timing. I received a hand-written note yesterday from a PR company and rep that I've worked with in the past. The note said, "Dear Mom Blogger…" and it stopped me in my tracks.
I was looking forward to receiving the information and gift certificate from her for a restaurant to check out, but suddenly, after seeing those words, in lovely handwriting, the warm, fuzzy feeling disappeared.
She had taken the time to hand-write the note, but couldn't be bothered to put my first name on it? Not cool and if Mom Blogger is how she identifies me, I wonder what she would write on a note to a journalist or freelance writer. I'm pretty sure, in those instances, she would take the extra minute to write out the person's name.
I agree with Holly, that we are Influencers and should be treated as such. Each and every blogger has something different to offer, a unique voice and lumping us into one category simply because we have kids is doing a disservice to us all.
Back to work!
Carol Cain
SondraOh Sondra : ( That's so awful. I completely know that feeling and I'm sorry.
Sherry
I loved your post, Well said. Many of us are moving past the "Mommy Blogger" title and really defining who and what we are. It is interesting how it is going to play out in the next few years as the community ages and becomes more savy.
Barbara Pflughaupt
I'm listening and learning. I do not call anyone a Mommy Blogger but I have used Mom Blogger because the industry does – and I will refrain now because I have great respect for your opinions – and if you know that many bloggers who hate it, I sure as hell do not want to use it 🙂 .
When I write to bloggers I work with I use their names or if I am mass mailing, I refer to Dear Friend or Dear Colleague. When reaching out I try and research niches and create lists based on areas of interest.
I will keep trying to learn and share and connect with people in the ways they wish to work. It's my job to learn that and I appreciate hearing from writers who express their needs and help me learn how they wish to connect as well. Databases that list bloggers now do give areas of interest. And there are MANY bloggers who use Mom, Mommy etc in their own blog names, so it's taking time. Thanks, Carol – as always 🙂
Carol Cain
@ Barbara Pflughaupt:
Barbara, we are all learning and growing. Thanks so much for reading and listening : )
Carol Cain
@ Sherry:
Thanks so much Sherry. I can't wait to see what the future brings!
Bicultural Mama
I'm a blogger who happens to be a mom. I personally don't like "mommy blogger" as it's too cutesy and I do think many people hear that and just assume you're writing a diary about your kid's dirty diapers that day and other random stuff. I've had to explain that not all blogs written by moms are personal diaries, some are more service-oriented or include things not even having to do with being a mom!
Leslie Macchiarella
I know, right. But secretly I actually adore being calked a mommy blogger. Maybe it's because my kids are in college now and it reminds me of when they were little. 🙂 I'm a lawyer by day who bakes historic cakes by night and I cherish putting on an apron and running that traditional kitchen role because I trust the historic kitchen crafts arts as important and incredibly creative and giving. So go ahead. Call me a mommy blogger any day and I'm good. :).
Carol Cain
Leslie MacchiarellaLeslie, of course I totally respect your stance and the emotions behind it. I wonder however if you would be as ambivilant about the term if say, you went to work each day as a lawyer and, because of the photos of your children on your desk, or the stories you shared with co-workers and colleagues about your family, you were suddenly not lawyer but "mommy lawyer". How would it feel to be introduced as and addressed as the mommy lawyer to firm partners, clients, or others, simply because you are a mother, who talks about her children and family at one point or another during the cause of her work life? I wonder, would it be all good then?
Diabetic Snacker Rev
I personally don't like the term "mommy blogger" at all
either. For one thing most of our blogs have absolutely nothing
to do with the fact that we are a mom and pr reps need to take
that under consideration. Now in my case I've blogged 4 years but my kids
are adults now. So while I will always still be a mom it has nothing
to do with my blogging. I do reviews to help other moms
at Diabetic Snacker Reviews & I do see how some could be offended
being called that. Especially the younger gals with small
kids. PR reps need to stop doing that.
Nicole Feliciano
Dear Mommy Blogger (oops I mean Carol). My goal is to be the world's most fashionable mom blogger. I like having the mom in the title because the way I look at fashion is so closely related to being a mom. Of course I hate generic pitches, but I would hate losing my niche even more. So I proudly add the mom to the label of social media maven and try to get past the annoyances.
Carol Cain
Nicole FelicianoGood for you Nicole! It's great to have a focus. I hope it is clear that I am not rejecting being known as a "mom"…after all I AM a mom, and I blog about family travel, so it makes sense. But, I think my point above is already clear : )
Jules from A Little
Your post was 100% right on! I am also a food and travel blogger. I also happen to write about my family, so I call myself a family lifestyle blogger, but I really hate to be lumped into one category-I am who I am, and that changes every day!!
Ashley - Embracing B
Great post! I was labeled a "Mommy Blogger" long before I was a mom. I never blogged about my kids (because I didn't have any!) but people assumed because I was a woman and a blogger that I must have been a mom blogger. I am certainly not ashamed of being a mom as that's my most important job but I don't think that role needs to be added to my other job's title. There are no Mommy Actresses, Mommy CEOs, and I don't see the need for the term Mommy Bloggers. That's just my two cents. 🙂
Carol Cain
Ashley – Embracing BI agree Ashley!
Barbara Pflughaupt
This is such a fascinating thread. I always thought the people who were referred to as Mommy Bloggers or Daddy Bloggers (I have stopped using the term :)) were those who wrote blogs about parenting, specific things that were family friendly, and focused on their roles as parents as well as their opinions and likes/dislikes. I would never consider calling a woman blogger who does not blog primarily about family or parenting a Mom blogger. But there are many who do specifically focus on those areas.
In your case Carol – you were always about the city and travel in addition to your role as a mother and I never considered your blog a parenting blog per se,
There are travel bloggers, and food bloggers – what would call those who focus on parenting and family? I'd like to do it right :).
Carol Cain
Barbara PflughauptIt's complicated in that sense, right Barbara? I think, until we can come up with a better term Mom Blogger will do just fine. I don't cringe at the term Mom Blogger like I do at the term "Mommy"…It's just so diminutive, it makes me feel uneasy. But again, it requires really knowing the blogger and their content…to make sure they are – in fact – moms. I know an editor for a kids magazine and website who was the only mom in a group of non-parents writing the content for this publication. You just don't know sometimes. Obviously, I am happy being recognized for my role in family-travel and it helps to let other moms know that the POV is coming from another mom, so again "mom blogger" doesn't bother me as much…but being called mommy does. Hope that helps Barbara!
Barbara Pflughaupt
It does, Carol — and I have taken to calling people who blog about family matters in general Family Bloggers. That can cover health and nutrition and all sorts of things if they in fact write about their families or family-friendly issues.
Thanks for the input re: Mom bloggers as well. That does help!
Carol Cain
@ Barbara Pflughaupt:
Smart Barbara! I love that term too.
Barbara Pflughaupt
@ Carol Cain:
Thank you 🙂
Barbara Pflughaupt
@ Carol Cain:
Thank you :)I'm glad!
Jo-Lynne {Musings of
best. post. ever. 🙂
Carol Cain
Jo-Lynne {Musings ofThanks Jo-Lynne! xox