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October 13, 2012

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The train started to move. I sat quietly, completely aware. More aware of being on the train than I have been in a long time. More aware because my biggest source of distraction – my phone – was inadvertently left home. Instead of aiming for a panicked rush back in search of it, I decided to just breathe and make my train into the city.

I saw and heard everything. The silence of the online noises that take over such a big portion of my every day felt really good, like freedom.

I didn’t really know what to do with my hands. So I laid them still on my lap, without failing to notice that my age was starting to show on them.  I looked around.

Outside the window the street lights gleamed off the small lagoons randomly found along the closed factories and storage venues next to the expressway. I thought how much prettier it looked when you couldn’t actually see anything else.

Two Asian women laughed, completely immersed in conversation the way female friends tend to do, in a foreign language I didn’t understand but with an affection I could relate to.

The tall black man sitting in the seat next to mine turned the pages of his book, lost in them. The sound of paper sliding off each other is one of the things I love about books, that and the smell of them.

The couple in front of me drank their tall cans of beer, calmly conversing about nothing I really understood, the faint smell of beer in the air with every word they uttered.

My eyes locked on the train employee walking down the aisle collecting tickets. He stared right back. I casually tried to look away, embarrassed to have been caught in watching people.

How beautiful, I thought, to see people in a light unencumbered by prejudice. There was no one there to listen, no audience to feed, so I could just watch.

It felt nice.

Ours is a society that is increasingly becoming more dependent on shock and awe. The anonymous security that being online offers has opened the flood gates to those who thrive on the ridiculing and humiliation of others. Television producers sell these images in droves and we love them. If it isn’t controversial it doesn’t sell, I am told, because you – the audience – won’t buy it, won’t listen, won’t read, won’t watch.

If others stand up against it, we lack a sense of humor, we are pathetic, we take ourselves too seriously, we need to shut up.

This, I have been told repeatedly, is what you the audience wants.

Maybe it makes us feel better about ourselves. Maybe it’s always been that laughing at others is just easier. When managing to distract through the efforts of pointing fingers at others, you are left with no real need to improve on yourself, because no one is really looking at you, or judging you, or laughing at you in turn.

An entire generation is growing up with a little less empathy, a lot less compassion. The filter that existed to protect others from harsh words, criticism and blame has been replaced with the entitled responsibility to strip anyone with human flaws of their dignity and respect. Yet we cry that we are raising a society of bullies. And indeed, we are. Except many of them have grown, and are blogging, and writing books, and sitting in morning talk shows, and getting television contracts. And we feed on them like hungry leeches unaware how their messages are affecting our own children and future generations. Overly confident that the hate and negativity they spew won’t ever affect us or our loved ones.

But I have none of those distractions as I sit on the train. Just silence. And people. Beautiful people, who I know nothing about and have no one telling me what I should think of them. Moments like these remind me of the ability and control I have to create my own impressions, to identify what’s wrong even among what the masses are saying is right, or entertaining, or fun.

There are a lot of people who will never experience the hardships or the paths that I have been on that enable me to still find and seek out the beauty of the human spirit. It isn’t necessary to have those experiences to want to be a good person, I would hope that being a good person would take very little, but at times I worry that’s not the case. More and more people make their labor of love a product that doesn’t come from, or even give, any kind of love at all.

Maybe, if you are lucky, you too will forget your phone, or your computer, or whatever it is that is distracting you from the fact that whatever we share online, whatever we tweet, whatever we post, whatever we write about other people, whether it be anonymously or not, whether we use their real name or not, is still about someone. A REAL someone, with feelings and flaws and dreams just like you.

Maybe, all we need is to reconnect with our own sense of humanity, the charger for which we often do forget, but should never be left at home.

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Carol Cain

Brooklyn native Carol is happiest when on an adventure, whether close to home or farther away. She is a small business owner and travel writer. In addition to creating Girl Gone Travel, she is the Founder and Principal of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. She's mom to three wonderful sons and wife to a handsome Irish/Scot. She lives, works, and plays in the beautiful Finger Lakes region of NY.

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6 Comments
  • Urban Jibaro
    October 13, 2012

    When I am in public, I often think about our social fabric and how our stories collide and become one. I might make my own luck during my "staycation" and leave my phone in my car… and just take a bike ride on the Long Beach boardwalk… smile and talk to a stranger… let them provide my inspiration for the day instead of searching for it on FB or Twitter… I may need it as much as they do.

    Thank you for such a beautiful message.

    Reply
  • Carol Cain
    October 13, 2012

    @Urban Jibaro: Thank you for sharing yours as well.

    Reply
  • Dee
    October 13, 2012

    I recently wrote about disconnecting and how it has helped me reconnect with people. My "smartphone" had completely taken control of my life. This last time it broke I decided to go back to an analog lifestyle. I am so much more relaxed and remember that life wasn't always so stressful. You make some excellent points. Stay plugged into life.

    Reply
  • Carol Cain
    October 13, 2012

    @Dee: I love that! Exactly : )

    Reply
  • Roni Faida
    January 25, 2014

    When I lived in Paris I loved to just watch people on the metro. So many interesting things would happen and people are so funny. I love how you articulate what you saw and how it made you feel, especially about watching the two women. Happiness and comfort in a friendship transcends language and you can feel the affection between people, even if you don't understand the words coming out of their mouths.

    Lovely post.
    My recent post 7 Ways To Alleviate Stress When Traveling With Kids

    Reply
    • caincarol
      Roni Faida
      January 25, 2014

      So true, Roni. Thank you for your comment : ))

      Reply

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About me

Hi! I'm Carol! I am an award-winning travel blogger, a keynote speaker, and the Principal and owner of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. I a wife to a handsome Irish/Scot and a mom to 3 sons. Welcome to my blog where I share stories of my travels and professional public relations insights and advice. Thank you for reading and for your support!

Carol Cain

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  • caincarol@gmail.com

Follow @girlgonetravel

A message about yesterday’s event: Happy Monday A message about yesterday’s event:

Happy Monday, y’all. Woke up in time to enjoy the soft glow of sunlight that shines its way around our house in the morning, and sipped on a cafecito without being rushed for anything. So already today is a win. 

Yesterday we worked our longest day yet for our little coffee cart that could (7 hours!!!) at the Heritage Fiesta in Ithaca, NY. 

Though we were ready for a crowd, the reception was also unexpected because there was a popular coffee shop just steps away. 

But we had Cómodo Fam stop by, family (who also fed us 🙏🏾), and soooo many members of the Latinx and BIPOC community who were just excited to see a small business like ours representing. 

I want to share that we were ALL worried about potential harassment and assault by 🧊and fliers were handed out to prepare us. And you would think that it would’ve intimidated the community enough to not come out…BUT WE DID. In numbers. 

And for hours that little parking lot next to Press Bay Alley was packed with all sorts of Latinx and non-Latinx community members, eating, laughing, dancing, singing, and drinking all the cafecitos and refreshers we had to offer. Literally. We went home cleaned out!

All this to say that we are all aware of the threats but we also understand the power and importance of coming together as a community and a people. By no means are we all the same, and Lord knows a lot of Latinos have a lot of self-reflecting to do based on the choices they made, but yesterday was a testament to the best of us, and I thank @yenospina and @lcatompkins for putting together such a wonderful event, for inviting @cafecomodony to be a part of it, and to all the friends, old and new, who came out to support us and la cultura. 

#fingerlakes #newyork #cafecomodo #coffeelover
Finally taking a break to enjoy one of my favorite Finally taking a break to enjoy one of my favorite lazy day pastimes of the season: market shopping for fall goodies - which in the Finger Lakes is especially bountiful. 

📍Joseph’s Wayside Markey, Naples, NY

#fingerlakes #newyork #octobermood #fallday
Our neighbors are harvesting the grapes. The proce Our neighbors are harvesting the grapes. The process is busy and noisy but also exciting and fun to watch. 

This cloudy morning seems to have calmed things down a bit, but not for long I am sure. These families work hard!

Bonus: they set up roadside stands so we can purchase and taste them 🍇 I highly recommend picking some up if you see some in your drive. 

#fingerlakes #lifeinthecountry #newyork
The rain has been so good. More, please. ❤️ The rain has been so good. More, please. ❤️
I want to take moment to send out love to my fello I want to take moment to send out love to my fellow Latinx and immigrant community. 

To send strength to my community of glorious misfits who are out in the world making good trouble and emboldening us to not give up hope on our dreams, our livelihoods, our future, our country, our people. 

The country our parents worked so hard to get to so that we could fly. A country they helped build and bring to prosper. A country our communities help to feed and house and care for. 

I am my immigrant parents dream come true, and my children are a continuation of that dream. 

I just want to remind all of us who represent the targeted, of our worth. Of the value of our contributions. In our languages, our culture, our insights, our work ethic and skills and knowledge. Of the things we bring to the table.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or to us. But, as someone whose family lived through a dictatorship, I have an idea of how this story will end. And all I can advise is that we remain on the right side of it, our convictions unaltered, our core values untethered. Our spirits unbroken. In these stories, the monsters might scare us, and even harm some of us, but they never, ever win in the end. 

I am living proof of that. ❤️ And every time you succeed and feel joy, you are too. Pa’lante, mi gente.
Signs of autumn 🍂 in the Finger Lakes. Signs of autumn 🍂 in the Finger Lakes.

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