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October 13, 2012

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The train started to move. I sat quietly, completely aware. More aware of being on the train than I have been in a long time. More aware because my biggest source of distraction – my phone – was inadvertently left home. Instead of aiming for a panicked rush back in search of it, I decided to just breathe and make my train into the city.

I saw and heard everything. The silence of the online noises that take over such a big portion of my every day felt really good, like freedom.

I didn’t really know what to do with my hands. So I laid them still on my lap, without failing to notice that my age was starting to show on them.  I looked around.

Outside the window the street lights gleamed off the small lagoons randomly found along the closed factories and storage venues next to the expressway. I thought how much prettier it looked when you couldn’t actually see anything else.

Two Asian women laughed, completely immersed in conversation the way female friends tend to do, in a foreign language I didn’t understand but with an affection I could relate to.

The tall black man sitting in the seat next to mine turned the pages of his book, lost in them. The sound of paper sliding off each other is one of the things I love about books, that and the smell of them.

The couple in front of me drank their tall cans of beer, calmly conversing about nothing I really understood, the faint smell of beer in the air with every word they uttered.

My eyes locked on the train employee walking down the aisle collecting tickets. He stared right back. I casually tried to look away, embarrassed to have been caught in watching people.

How beautiful, I thought, to see people in a light unencumbered by prejudice. There was no one there to listen, no audience to feed, so I could just watch.

It felt nice.

Ours is a society that is increasingly becoming more dependent on shock and awe. The anonymous security that being online offers has opened the flood gates to those who thrive on the ridiculing and humiliation of others. Television producers sell these images in droves and we love them. If it isn’t controversial it doesn’t sell, I am told, because you – the audience – won’t buy it, won’t listen, won’t read, won’t watch.

If others stand up against it, we lack a sense of humor, we are pathetic, we take ourselves too seriously, we need to shut up.

This, I have been told repeatedly, is what you the audience wants.

Maybe it makes us feel better about ourselves. Maybe it’s always been that laughing at others is just easier. When managing to distract through the efforts of pointing fingers at others, you are left with no real need to improve on yourself, because no one is really looking at you, or judging you, or laughing at you in turn.

An entire generation is growing up with a little less empathy, a lot less compassion. The filter that existed to protect others from harsh words, criticism and blame has been replaced with the entitled responsibility to strip anyone with human flaws of their dignity and respect. Yet we cry that we are raising a society of bullies. And indeed, we are. Except many of them have grown, and are blogging, and writing books, and sitting in morning talk shows, and getting television contracts. And we feed on them like hungry leeches unaware how their messages are affecting our own children and future generations. Overly confident that the hate and negativity they spew won’t ever affect us or our loved ones.

But I have none of those distractions as I sit on the train. Just silence. And people. Beautiful people, who I know nothing about and have no one telling me what I should think of them. Moments like these remind me of the ability and control I have to create my own impressions, to identify what’s wrong even among what the masses are saying is right, or entertaining, or fun.

There are a lot of people who will never experience the hardships or the paths that I have been on that enable me to still find and seek out the beauty of the human spirit. It isn’t necessary to have those experiences to want to be a good person, I would hope that being a good person would take very little, but at times I worry that’s not the case. More and more people make their labor of love a product that doesn’t come from, or even give, any kind of love at all.

Maybe, if you are lucky, you too will forget your phone, or your computer, or whatever it is that is distracting you from the fact that whatever we share online, whatever we tweet, whatever we post, whatever we write about other people, whether it be anonymously or not, whether we use their real name or not, is still about someone. A REAL someone, with feelings and flaws and dreams just like you.

Maybe, all we need is to reconnect with our own sense of humanity, the charger for which we often do forget, but should never be left at home.

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Carol Cain

Brooklyn native Carol is happiest when on an adventure, whether close to home or farther away. She is a small business owner and travel writer. In addition to creating Girl Gone Travel, she is the Founder and Principal of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. She's mom to three wonderful sons and wife to a handsome Irish/Scot. She lives, works, and plays in the beautiful Finger Lakes region of NY.

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6 Comments
  • Urban Jibaro
    October 13, 2012

    When I am in public, I often think about our social fabric and how our stories collide and become one. I might make my own luck during my "staycation" and leave my phone in my car… and just take a bike ride on the Long Beach boardwalk… smile and talk to a stranger… let them provide my inspiration for the day instead of searching for it on FB or Twitter… I may need it as much as they do.

    Thank you for such a beautiful message.

    Reply
  • Carol Cain
    October 13, 2012

    @Urban Jibaro: Thank you for sharing yours as well.

    Reply
  • Dee
    October 13, 2012

    I recently wrote about disconnecting and how it has helped me reconnect with people. My "smartphone" had completely taken control of my life. This last time it broke I decided to go back to an analog lifestyle. I am so much more relaxed and remember that life wasn't always so stressful. You make some excellent points. Stay plugged into life.

    Reply
  • Carol Cain
    October 13, 2012

    @Dee: I love that! Exactly : )

    Reply
  • Roni Faida
    January 25, 2014

    When I lived in Paris I loved to just watch people on the metro. So many interesting things would happen and people are so funny. I love how you articulate what you saw and how it made you feel, especially about watching the two women. Happiness and comfort in a friendship transcends language and you can feel the affection between people, even if you don't understand the words coming out of their mouths.

    Lovely post.
    My recent post 7 Ways To Alleviate Stress When Traveling With Kids

    Reply
    • caincarol
      Roni Faida
      January 25, 2014

      So true, Roni. Thank you for your comment : ))

      Reply

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About me

Hi! I'm Carol! I am an award-winning travel blogger, a keynote speaker, and the Principal and owner of Brave World Media, a social media marketing, communications, and branding agency. I a wife to a handsome Irish/Scot and a mom to 3 sons. Welcome to my blog where I share stories of my travels and professional public relations insights and advice. Thank you for reading and for your support!

Carol Cain

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  • caincarol@gmail.com

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MARK YOUR CALENDAR! @travisjcain will be painting MARK YOUR CALENDAR! @travisjcain will be painting a beautiful new mural at Elmira’s Mural Fest this year (weather permitting on Saturday, if not on a less rainy day)! Last year he painted this board which was recently on display still at @communityartselmira. 

Hopefully we have a sunny day and you can come out to support Travis and all the muralists that day! See you there!

#elmirany #painter #artist #communityarts
Sometimes it’s like I never left. #newyork Sometimes it’s like I never left. 

#newyork
SHOUT OUT to our oldest, @davidacain_, who carries SHOUT OUT to our oldest, @davidacain_, who carries with him the entrepreneurial spirit he’s inherited from his parents. 

While successfully working in supply chain management for a global corporation based in NYC, he continues to manage and operate his own product, @getcalma, a comforting heated eye mask that is currently on the Amazon top seller list for two years in a row and has a growing consumer following! 

We are so incredibly proud of David and his growing success as an entrepreneur and in his career, and know the future will continue to be bright for him!

To learn more about Calma and make a purchase, visit his website at GetCalma.com. 

#proudmomma #getcalma #entreprenuer #smallbusiness
The time has come to move on from my role as a bar The time has come to move on from my role as a barista at @the_garage_at_rye and towards my next adventure. 

I started this journey with a curiosity for a craft I admired and wanted to learn more about. It turned into a job. Then a serious passion. And now here I am, launching Café Cómodo (KOH-moh-doh), which means “Comfortable/cozy” in Spanish, a pop-up café serving espresso and seasonal drinks at local farmers markets and private events! (@cafecomodony)

Starting yet another business was never my intent…and yet, I fell further in love with the craft, the industry, and the culture.

I owe so much of what I have learned to @seschieber, who took me under her wings and taught me so much (and still does) and who embraced my nerdiness and eagerness with patience and kindness….and in the process became one of my dearest friends. Working alongside her has felt like winning the golden ticket. She further instilled in me a respect for the craft, the industry, and a commitment to always strive for a quality product, even in a world of Dunkins and Starbucks. 

Grateful for @abbdawes, @hannahmariee93, and Amanda who tolerated my clumsiness at the start while I fumbled my way through the register and the various drink recipes!

I wasn’t sure where this journey would lead, and as I look back at these clips I realize how much I have changed in the process. It’s not always a place that impacts you, but rather the people in it.

I will miss the regulars I’ve gotten to know whose names and drink orders I memorized and who I looked forward to serving. 

I’m so grateful for everything I learned, beyond just making coffee, because I know it will help me to further grow as a leader, an entrepreneur, and a team member wherever I go and in everything I do next.

I won’t miss the dark morning wake ups and long drives before sunrise though! 

I’m proudest of myself for wanting to develop a new skill and ✨DOING IT✨ even when it felt awkward, nerving, and impossible. I hope you will follow me on this next chapter and come say hi at the market (and hire me for your next event)!

Thank you to Charlie Hunter, owner of The Garage for this opportunity.

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Recently took a moment to slow down and enjoy the Recently took a moment to slow down and enjoy the sounds of this beautiful place I call home. 

#fingerlakes #newyork #upstateny
Barista training = Trial by fire. 🔥 This is the Barista training = Trial by fire. 🔥 This is the way. 

@shellyk_025

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